We recently asked 268 self-confessed cheating women why they cheated on their partners. Their responses ranged from being quite understandable to depressing to downright despicable.
As we read through their responses, we started to notice patterns about why women cheat…
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Over 95% of the responses fall into one of 23 categories…
1. My Partner Kept Falsely Accusing Me Of Cheating, So I Finally Did It
A common theme that cropped up was women in relationships where their partners falsely accused them of cheating. These false accusations usually lasted for a sustained time until their girlfriend/wife decided, “Fuck it. If you’re going to make me feel guilty for something I haven’t done yet, then I’m going to do it anyway.” Building trust and avoiding false accusations could be vital if you don’t want to wind up with a cheating wife.
– Because I was being accused of it already and he would not believe me.
– He kept accusing me of cheating, so I finally just did it.
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– I only did once and I felt awful, but I was accused for months while I was doing nothing. So I said, ”Fuck it,” and did it.
– Legally, it was infidelity, but it was after I signed my divorce papers. He was accusing me of cheating for so long that I finally did it. No regrets.
– I was tired of being accused of cheating.
– He was locked up and kept accusing me of cheating when I wasn’t.
2. My Partner Cheated First/Revenge Cheating
Another sad but common theme? Women who cheated after their partners cheated on them first.
– Emotional disconnection. And because he cheated on me first.
– Our relationship was failing (she cheated on me 2 or 3 times before) while my long-time crush made a move on me.
– It was a rocky relationship and he had cheated several times before so I gave in.
– Because he was cheating on me with his baby mom and not giving me sex.
– He cheated on me, so it was in revenge on my ex. But I was a lot younger then.
– I cheated once. Right before divorce when our relationship was already broken to pieces. I had no intention of cheating. I remember accepting that I am actually about to cheat was strongly linked to the emotional state I was in and to the fact that I have been cheated on so many times in the past, that the pleasure of being wanted won over principles.
– After being faithful for 6 yrs and unsatisfied, he didn’t just cheat; he was having an affair for over a year.
– I found out he had been cheating for the entirety of our 12-year relationship. I knew that cheating on him would completely destroy him as he knew it’s something I would never do. I wanted to break him like he broke me.
– The relationship was basically over and he had been sleeping around on me.
– I needed emotional support after I found out he was cheating on me. I figured “what’s good for the goose, etc,” but realized I was wrong.
– Because I was being cheated on for years.
– 3 years after he cheated on me, which resulted in her getting pregnant, our relationship fell apart & my true love came back into my life.
– He cheated on me so I decided to get back at him by sleeping with my ex.
– I have cheated multiple times on a few exes. Usually cheated because we were fighting and I believed he was cheating on me (I was right btw!) anyway so felt like I should too.
3. I Cheated To End The Relationship
Whether you’re talking about men or women cheating, sometimes it seems like the best way to get out of a relationship. Of course, breaking up is hard to do, but we recommend talking about it. Infidelity should be a last resort.
– Because he was busy getting drunk with his friends and I wanted him to leave me.
– Because he didn’t pay attention to me, my needs and feelings. But I wasn’t strong enough to break up with him.
– I wasn’t happy in my relationship and didn’t know how to break it off.
– They wouldn’t let me break up with them.
– I wanted to break up with him eventually (so went out with a bang, quite literally).
– My partner hadn’t touched me in several years, making me feel unattractive and undesirable. I was 37 years old at the time and assumed that part of my life must be over. I cheated because someone made me feel wanted and desirable again.
– Because I wanted him to leave and he wouldn’t.
– I wanted to leave but I knew he would guilt me and talk me out of it. Cheating is a one-way ticket out.
– Was done with the relationship but didn’t know how to tell him.
– I developed stronger feelings for someone else and was scared to tell my current boyfriend for fear of how he’d react.
– He wouldn’t break up with me and wouldn’t let me break up with him but also wouldn’t have sex with me.
– It was my ex-husband! We had been married for 13 years and the relationship was not working. Fighting every day, lots of possessiveness and we both were not happy. It was not good for the kids! I had asked for a divorce and he refused. So I deliberately planned that he would find out about it! We did get divorced, kids went on to score incredible marks at the end-of-year exams!! My ex met his ‘soulmate.’ So all in all, it needed to happen!
– I couldn’t see a way out of the relationship I was in. I was trapped by him, didn’t want to stay and couldn’t leave. This man offered a glimmer of pleasure in a miserable situation.
4. I Was In An Abusive Relationship
Sometimes a cheating woman is trying to escape an abusive situation. Sadly, some of our survey takers have been in that position, finding themselves without the love and care they deserve.
– Not having the courage to leave them first. My first partner was physically and mentally abusive, which emotionally tore me down. We had a mutual friend that had always shown interest in me (a good-looking man) and it started with the lack of love/respect from my then partner and seeing the noticeable desire from this other man. We thoroughly enjoyed each other.
– Was lonely, and my husband was abusive.
– He always said critical things about me that made me feel horrible about myself and less desirable. When I met a much more attractive man that always said things that made me feel confident and beautiful, I craved the affection and feelings of higher self-worth. I loved the feeling of being desired so much.
– Unhappy in my marriage. It was a verbally and mentally abusive relationship.
– We had a volatile relationship and neither of us treated the other well at times. I resented his behavior toward me quite often.
– He treated me like shit and after multiple times of begging him to treat me how I needed to be treated, I gave up and slept with someone else the night before I broke up with him.
– Because he cheated on me repeatedly and after 20 years of being told I was worthless, it made me feel like I was. I guess I needed to prove that I wasn’t worthless.
– Extreme jealousy from his side, not being appreciated anymore and just the need for something new and exciting.
Psst, it’s possible to deal with jealousy the healthy way.
– It wasn’t physical cheating, it was emotional. I was in an abusive relationship. Enjoyed the attention I received that my husband wasn’t giving me. My husband made me feel unwanted and ugly. This man made me feel the opposite.
– I didn’t realize it at the time but I was in an emotionally manipulative relationship and didn’t know a way out of the relationship because I was still young and inexperienced and didn’t know what I wanted. I was basically trying to avoid conflict. I also didn’t realize at the time (or perhaps ignored the fact) that I wanted attention from men more than actually accepting and loving a person for who they are. So instead of breaking up with him, I cheated on him (emotionally and physically) hoping that he would break up with me – which was not the case – and then it turned into an even more toxic relationship where we hung on for longer than we should’ve. He was emotionally, financially, and physically abusive. I was sexually exploited. He was so controlling and abusive and tried to keep me on a tight leash when all I wanted was to live my life my way. You could say I tried to rebel against him when I cheated. Thank god I’m out of there. I’ve learned my lesson, and about myself and can say that I would NEVER cheat on anyone ever again.
– I was dating a real shithead. He ended up in JAIL one weekend (what even was my life when I was 19?!) and I went out with friends and went home with someone. Retaliation maybe?
– Because I could no longer stand to be in the same room as him. To have his hands touch me made me sick to my stomach. Don’t even get me started about how mad it made me just having him look at me, to have him tell me I was ugly and fat.
– Married for almost 20 years. Sex once a year-ish. I was not attracted to him for much of it and he was not good to me- did not make me feel wanted or loved. He was a narcissist- gaslighted me for years. God forbid I feel good about myself. Much better now!
– I was afraid to leave. There was abuse. I disconnected in my head first.
– He was abusive and wouldn’t let me eat. Another man fed me and I ended up falling in love because I felt cared for, for once.
– Unhappy and unfulfilled. The relationship was emotionally abusive and I was too frightened to leave, so I stepped out instead. I’m not proud of that decision.
– I was in an abusive relationship full of gaslighting and control. I couldn’t find the exit (I broke up many times with the guy but he had mental power over me). He broke me so much, and I couldn’t stay anymore with him under any possible option. Because he was still pushing the idea that I don’t understand that what we had is love, and I just don’t see it and don’t realize I am actually depressed. But cheating was some confirmation for me that I’m done. Still feeling bad because of it but also haven’t realized for full 7 years after a breakup how severely abusive the relationship was. I’m in therapy now.
– Because he put me in a psych ward.
5. Cheating Turns Me On
If you’ve never cheated, it might be hard not to judge the cheating wives and girlfriends who do it just because there’s a risk they could be taught. To these women, cheating is a real turn-on. Of course, there are plenty of ways to turn a woman on without involving cheating!
– I love sneaking around.
– Not getting caught was exciting.
– It turns me on having to cheat and hide it. Even more when you have sex somewhere that if you get caught you get in problems.
– The thrill of getting caught.
– I was young and it was exciting.
– For forbidden sex!
– Because I felt like seducing and it excites me.
– Insecurity about the relationship. Wanting something forbidden.
– Getting something that doesn’t belong to you.
– (We were arguing bad and) fucking someone else then coming home to fuck my man was just a turn-on.
6. I Cheated With My Ex
Unfortunately for those people who have worried their partner might cheat with an ex, it does happen. Having sex with your ex can be a bad idea, even if you’re not cheating on someone. But these cheating women thought it was worth the risk, whether they still had feelings for their ex or it was only sex. On the other hand, some of these answers show that a woman can cheat and still be in love.
– Because I was still in love with my ex.
– I didn’t love him and I cheated with the father of my kids.
– Cheated with an ex to see if anything would come out of it.
– Because I was still in love with my ex and enjoyed his attention.
– Because he accused me of it over and over so my ex (the one I was accused of cheating with) and I said, “Why not? We are being accused of it.”
– Cause I was still in love with my ex.
– No sex! So I went to my ex!
– The sneaky ex called. I guess he must be like my forbidden fruit.
– Cheated on my partner with my ex. I missed my ex and I love him.
– Old flame. Was not happy in the relationship.
– To go back with an ex.
– I honestly don’t know. I was helping my ex to get with someone else and one thing led to another thing and we ended up having sex. It was just once. He got blocked the next day, and I honestly regret it and wish it didn’t happen because I have such a beautiful relationship with my boyfriend and I don’t wanna ruin it by telling him when it already happened, I’m over it, we’re both gonna suffer. So it’s not a good idea.
– I cheated with my ex-girlfriend, just to show her I can have her when I want, but all I thought about was him during the act.
7. The Sex Was Lousy
Yes, sometimes the reason for cheating is simply that the sex isn’t good enough. You typically hear more about the husband doing this than the cheating wife, but that’s not always the case. For the following women, infidelity gave them a chance to have the good sex they were denied at home, either because their partners were unskilled, selfish, or liked different kinds of sex. Sometimes penis size was even a dealbreaker. Fortunately, it’s easy to learn how to pleasure a woman if you’re not a selfish lover!
– He wasn’t good to me and he was lacking in the sex performance department.
– Because at that time, sex just wasn’t the same with him. It turned into just him getting off and leaving me high and dry. If I got off, I got off; if I didn’t, I didn’t. I wanted to feel important again and like I was someone’s priority I wanted to sparkle again I wanted to feel like a woman again.
– Because he is no good in bed.
Learn how to be good in bed.
– I needed to be appreciated and needed to have exciting sex.
– Sex with my current partner was so boring! And he wasn’t giving me the attention and appreciation I wanted. My neighbor had been hitting on me for months. I finally decided to see how far he was willing to go. Well, he was willing to go all the way.
– Because there is no excitement in the bedroom, the relationship was boring, and he’s not giving me what I want out of the relationship.
– Looking for a more exciting and fulfilling sex life.
– 10+ years ago. I’m a young mother of 3, lonely, in the best shape of my life, and my sexual needs were not being met. I had shopped for sex help books that I brought home and discussed. A construction worker was refinishing our basement. We had sexual chemistry, and he picked me up!! I’d never ever been picked up by a man before!
– Not big enough, not good enough in bed.
– Because we were barely having sex & when we did, he wouldn’t get very hard & he would cum in minutes & not finish me off.
– I wasn’t in love with him. I love sexual adventures and he wasn’t into it. He wanted a beige wife. I was the wrong girl.
– Need big cocks and I am a slut.
– Because I enjoy wild crazy sex and he is very conservative. Isn’t willing to try new things, which in turn made me stray.
– Very ashamed of it. I wasn’t getting what I needed at home and although I asked, my partner couldn’t adjust to my needs.
– I felt he just wasn’t at the same level of adventure as I was, and he is the type to not leave his safe zone. So after several conversations, nothing changed, and I met someone who just seemed shiny to me.
– Because he didn’t satisfy me.
– They weren’t touching me, at all! And I’m not exaggerating. He just sits there watching TV and won’t have sex. I’m sorry but I stepped out before I moved out. I could count on one hand the number of times we had sex over a 5 month period. It ended up that he had bad anxiety issues, though, to the point where he had to be hospitalized.
– I loved him but he had issues with performing oral.
– He was terrible in bed and refused to please me orally.
Psst, men: learn how to eat pussy.
8. My Partner Struggled To Physically Perform Sex
Sometimes the reason why married women cheat is frustrating for both partners. Specifically, a man’s difficulty performing in the bedroom due to mental or medical issues can do a number on his and her self-esteem. This leads to issues such as the woman cheating if both partners don’t agree that sex is important to the relationship or try to work around the issue.
– He no longer can keep a hardon and is only about himself. He doesn’t try to make it all about me.
– He can’t have sex due to a medical condition and thinks it’s not important in a relationship. I disagree.
– Older Husband not interested in sex for over 10 years, tried everything and ended up by total chance meeting someone in a similar situation.
– Because due to spinal injuries his penis doesn’t stay erect, and sex with him is boring, and I have to pretend to come, so he can wank himself. I needed a guy with a nice-sized dick.
– The guy that I cheated on was having trouble staying hard (due to drug use) and in the words of Cardi B: “look, I need a hard hitter, I need a deep stroke.” lol.
– He couldn’t fuck me properly due to a bad back & leg.
– He is unable to perform sex.
– He couldn’t get hard and wasn’t interested in my orgasm. He lasted less than a minute, came and then pulled out leaving me aroused, alone, and unsatisfied.
9. We Stopped Having Sex aka Dead Bedroom
While bad sex is often a reason for cheating, no sex is even worse according to these cheating women…
– I wasn’t in love with him anymore. We had not had sex in years.
– My ex-husband stopped having sex with me for over 2 years and ignored me.
– At the end of the marriage, we hadn’t slept together in 3 yrs. That helped clarify my divorce decisions.
– Hadn’t had sex in 18 years.
– We weren’t having sex. I crave that intimacy!
– My partner didn’t seem interested in sex & I wanted it. The other person made me feel alive.
– He stopped having sex with me for 5 years. He said he was having too much anxiety and he was stressed, but then he refused to see a therapist or work on it. Or even do alternative things in the bedroom.
– Legally, I cheated because we were still married but we hadn’t had sex in 6 months and we never had again afterward.
– I am in a sexless marriage.
– My ex-husband stopped having sex with me after we got married. I begged him to go to counseling with me or visit a doctor if there was something wrong, but he refused to do either. After 4 years of no sex, I threatened him to change or I’d find someone that would have sex with me – I found someone.
– We didn’t have sex at all and there was no physical affection. It felt like we were friends with a label. I think he wasn’t interested in me and we rushed the relationship.
10. I Needed More Sex
Some women who cheat do get sex at home, they just want more. This might be a pretty selfish reason why women cheat. But it just goes to that that while some women want to increase their sex drives, others struggle with their sex drive being too high!
– I can’t get enough dick.
– Not getting what I need at home.
– My great libido and preference for multiple and new partners.
– He wasn’t as sexually driven as me.
– High sex drive and he has a very very low sex drive and has no interest in sex.
– Because one partner cannot satisfy me.
– I’m currently cheating on my spouse. I have so much free time and my husband’s sex drive is nothing close to mine. My husband is also not very experienced. My current sex partner (ex from college) easy, fun the best sex I’ve ever had. They are both opposites of each other. Josh is a friend from college who is a hockey player and a bad boy. He loves naughty pictures.
11. My Partner Allows/Encourages My Cheating
This next category of answers falls into a grey area. Technically, cheating is all about breaking trust. So if a guy encourages or allows his wife to cheat, it’s not technically cheating. Of course, what works from one couple won’t work for all of them. So if you want to sleep with someone else and don’t talk to your partner about it, you could wind up a cheating woman, no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise.
– I wouldn’t say cheat. He lets me play around.
– At first, my husband forced me to have sex with others. After that, I realized I got more attention from others so I continued.
– Because he told me to fuck others.
– We are poly (learn what polyamory is), he is ok with it.
– He told me I could.
– He literally told me to go after the person.
– Because we have an open marriage and we both take advantage of that fact. For the past seven years, it has worked well for us and we get to enjoy a man from time to time.
– My official partner had stopped wanting sex with me almost 10 years ago, and we allow each other to see other people.
– To spice up our sex lives. We have agreed to allow each other the freedom to experience new and different people as long as we share it with each other. Sometimes we even invite our new partners to join us.
– Because he pushed me to flirt with his best friend and it ended up being an affair.
12. I Found A Better Connection
What do you do if you’re already in a relationship and meet someone with whom you have an ah-may-zing connection? When these women cheated on their husbands, that was exactly the case.
– The person I cheated with stimulated not only my body but also my mind. I was able to talk to him about any topic and have an educational conversation. But he was also interested in some of the kinkier things I enjoyed that my current partner was not interested in.
– The other man just has something about him. Turns out he is a better sex partner and is very kinky. He’s taught me a lot about myself and to be a better lover.
– I was wildly attracted to another man. It was an insanely magnetic attraction for both of us.
– Didn’t love my husband and was wildly in love with the new guy.
– Fell in love with someone else.
– One time it was out of spite. The other time it was a better connection with someone else.
– The guy was very attracted to me and I to him. I wasn’t getting attention from my current love that I craved.
– We weren’t in love anymore. We slept on separate couches and rarely had sex. I started having intense feelings for my current partner. Like so intense. My pussy was wet just thinking about my current guy now. I had to put a tampon in cuz it was summer & it was just dripping down my leg. My ex fell asleep, and my now partner used his fingers. OMG, I came like 10 -20 times in like 5 minutes. I was done and broke up with the older guy very soon after and have been with my current partner for almost 6 years.
13. My Emotional Needs Were Not Being Met/The Emotional Connection Was Lacking
Many guys underestimate the importance of a strong emotional connection with their female partner/girlfriend/wife. They don’t invest in it or don’t bother trying to connect emotionally. For some women, this lack of emotional connection is why they cheat. But as you can see for at least one woman who cheated on her husband, sometimes the relationship can survive.
– I 100% regret it but if I’m being honest, my emotional needs weren’t being met at all!
– We were losing our emotional connection.
– Lost any feelings I had long before I cheated.
– Emotionally, he did not do it for me, and I found a connection with somebody else.
– Emotional needs were not met and I wanted to be submissive instead of being the boss.
– He no longer catered to my emotional needs. I felt lonely in the relationship.
– The thing missing was the connection, we just got used to each other and got comfortable.
– No connection between us. The intimacy stopped.
– He was not giving me the attention that I wanted. In fact, it was almost as though I did not exist in his life. The only time he made for me was when he wanted to have sex, and after expressing my feelings to him, he didn’t change. So I cheated, and it was only then when he realized that he could lose me that he started changing his ways.
– Because I’d been in an unhappy marriage for 8 years. My brother-in-law had been unhappy in his marriage for 10 years. Our friendship wasn’t meant to turn into a full-blown relationship. Thank you lockdown!
– My emotional needs were not being met.
– Because I didn’t actually like him and because a girl had been pressuring me to sleep with her all night and waited until I was drunk and agreed.
– He was struggling with alcohol at the time and had become verbally abusive. He had his mouth around the bottle and not on me, I couldn’t compete with that, it was very hard. I had connected with people online. It was an emotional affair and not physical, and it was not my plan to cheat on my husband. In fact, it started out as a simple question I had posted about gardening, and before I knew it, this guy was telling me how pretty I was and asking me about my day and checking in with me. It slowly progressed to sexting and photos. It was like when you’re really thirsty and someone hands you a glass of water. I believe affairs don’t start in bedrooms, they start with conversations. Even though I never met this person in real life I feel the “emotional affair” can be just as tragic to a relationship sometimes even more than a physical affair. My husband and I have worked through this, and he no longer drinks. I found a support group “Alanon” to help me learn better ways to respond to him and he has full access to all my online passwords, etc. We still struggle in this area because I recently found out that a woman he went to high school with and is single and divorced has been texting each other for years. He let me read the texts and they appear to be in the “friend zone” but I know how these things start. We just have to be open and honest with each other and protect our marriage from outsiders the best we can.
14. I Needed To Feel Desired/Wanted/Needed/Appreciated
Feeling wanted is an important part of a woman’s sexuality. It turns her on and connects her to her partner. So it comes as no surprise that not feeling wanted or desired plays a role in infidelity for many cheating women, especially when someone else gives them the attention they’ve been missing.
– Getting no attention or intimacy from him and was being turned down when I would ask for sex.
– Lack of feeling needed, wanted and desired.
– There was not enough attention and I want to feel wanted.
– I wasn’t getting enough attention, I’m insecure with myself.
– Lack of appreciation/attention but have also cheated due to bad sex in the relationship and the guy unwilling to discuss it.
– Showed no interest in me at that time. Like roommates, not a couple.
– I felt small. Ignored. That I was no longer desired. Someone paid attention to me—and saw me for a beautiful, sexual woman–something my partner completely glossed over at the time.
– It was great to feel desired and be noticed and sought after.
– I was unhappy in my marriage, lonely, and wanted to feel special. We had fallen out of love.
– He was not very affectionate, never let me feel like he really loved me. I was so starved for passion with a person who wasn’t afraid of their feelings… It was the end of the long-term relationship.
– Our sex life no longer existed, I didn’t felt loved wanted, desired. He stopped making me feel like I existed. Like he stopped making me feel wanted.
– Lonely marriage, unappreciated, spark and passion wasn’t there. Started getting that manly attention from another and fell so easily into the feeling of passion, appreciation, encouragement, importance, priority.
– Needed to feel wanted.
- Because he gave me no attention and was so closed off, he showed no love or romance towards me so I went somewhere else. No excuse I know.
– We had been together for a really long time. We had been high school sweethearts. We were good friends, but I think we stayed together because it seemed like the next logical step and everyone thought we were a forever thing. When we moved for college, he was busy as an athlete on a scholarship. Other guys gave me attention and noticed me in ways he didn’t. It felt good to feel pursued and wanted. One guy was especially persistent. My commitment was weak and my integrity, obviously, was weaker. I should have shown my boyfriend the respect to end things before I explored anything with someone else. It felt gross to be with someone behind his back. Definitely not a decision I am proud of, and I regret it every time I reflect on the situation.
– There wasn’t passion anymore and a lack of attention. I need to feel sexy and wanted and that didn’t happen anymore.
15. I Was Bored With Him or the Relationship
Do some women cheat just because they’re bored? Absolutely.
– He was a lot older than me, and I was bored.
– Because I was attracted to the other person and it just was not exciting anymore with my partner.
– He was boring and didn’t respect me or challenge me.
– Part boredom and part liking the attention from someone new.
– Was attracted to the person and in a place where the relationship was boring.
– My marriage of 20 years has become a roommate situation and I have found someone else.
– The first time, I was bored. Mentally and physically not stimulated, and an opportunity arose. I didn’t actually have sex with the other person but did give him a blow job.
– The relationship was dull and boring. I craved some excitement and something new.
– I felt bored and taken for granted.
– He wasn’t present and we treated each other as roommates.
16. I Was Young (& Often Dumb)
Often, cheating women blame their youth as the cause of cheating. Of course, plenty of young people never cheat, but it’s sometimes harder to make good decisions when you’re young. That includes deciding to get into a relationship with someone in the first place.
– I was young and fucked up.
– I was young and stupid. I split up with him afterward because he didn’t deserve it. I didn’t tell him what I’d done. I was 19.
– Stupidity. I was very young and incredibly dumb. Communication would have changed that and I learned a big lesson the hard way.
– I was young and dumb, literally just got caught in the heat of the moment.
– I was under the age of 21 and I didn’t know any better. Now, I don’t cheat, if I don’t want to be with somebody, I just leave.
– I was very young and horny and my boyfriend had health issues. One of his friends cracked into me and we had sex.
– It was at the end of the relationship and I was young and stupid.
– I don’t really know. A long time ago I was young, horny.
– I was very young and was only dating him because my friends thought we would make a great couple. I should have broken up with him, or never gotten together in the first place.
– I was young (17) and naive and will not do it again.
– He was my 1st. We were together age 14-19 & I found out he was going to propose to me and I freaked out and had a one-night stand but told him right after because I felt so bad. He still wanted to stay with me, but we broke up because I wanted to see what else was out there. We still talk today as friends.
– I was young and stupid. I should have ended my relationship but I was scared to because of committing to a mortgage. Our relationship was in a bad way because his daughter lived with us and she was horrible to me. Another person showed me some attention and made me feel wanted and desired.
– Because I was young and we’d literally only just gotten together and I wanted to try something. I didn’t really take our relationship seriously.
– I was a dumb and drunk teenager (18) who decided it was a good idea to try and sleep with an ex because we weren’t successful when we were dating. We didn’t get far because he couldn’t get hard enough, but that was still cheating to me.
When there is nothing really wrong with the relationship or emotional connection, lust might be the cause of cheating. Hormones and attraction can be a powerful combination that leads to women cheating. The same goes for men, by the way.
– Just to feel the other guy’s kissing and touching and fucking cause I was attracted to him.
– Because she never had the cock I needed at the time.
– Wasn’t a man and I needed cock.
– Needed dick.
– He was hot.
– I was really attracted sexually to that person. Couldn’t help myself.
– I lusted after my mister.
– I was horny and I am human.
– I was looking for passion and emotional attention, my ex-husband was verbally abusive. I wanted to be worshiped and he was incapable. The feeling of lust is a high and like a drug and lured me to someone else’s arms.
– Nothing to do with my partner, more to do with lust for the other person.
18. I Was Dealing With Personal Issues
Life is far from perfect, and sometimes we react poorly to that fact. At least, these women named stressful events, low self-esteem, or other issues as their reason for cheating. It goes without saying that it’s better to deal with those issues than to seek out infidelity.
– I was dealing with my own issues.
– Not happy with myself. Felt unwanted.
– Loneliness at the time, but after my last divorce, I am learning that I had so many unresolved issues that contributed to my cheating on 2 husbands. I wish I would have figured it out sooner. No one deserves to be cheated on.
– Cuz I can’t control myself.
– I didn’t physically cheat but I emotionally cheated by confiding in someone else. I really don’t know why I did it, I think I just had a lot of issues and insecurities within myself.
– Cos I had a sex addiction (find out why you’re so horny) at the time and was living a very loose way of living.
– Because I had low self-esteem and I felt like I wasn’t enough for my boyfriend so I went to someone I felt like I was enough for.
– Wasn’t in love with them anymore and wasn’t having sex with them but didn’t know how to end it as my self-esteem was non-existent, and another man honed in on my vulnerabilities.
– Because I was a very broken woman in a loveless marriage, who should have left a year before the cheating occurred. I had lost a dear friend to suicide and my now ex-husband wasn’t there for me. It was one of the worst losses I had been through. A coworker started grooming me and seeing this broken girl, sweet-talked me, and acted like he cared about what was happening to me. Over time, he wore me down and I gave in. I hated myself for a while after to where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. It was a very dark time. I own it though.
– Low self-esteem and I underestimated how much I meant to my partner
19. I Did It For Money
A woman’s cheating is sometimes the result of financial dire straits. When the bills come due, it can seem like there’s no other choice but to have sex for money, even if you’re in a relationship. Unlike some of the emotional reasons for cheating, these are often one-time events, unlike an affair that can go on for quite a while.
– It was an arrangement when I was completely down on my luck in a very tight spot. This older guy offered to help us out of the situation if I were to have sex with him. I know it’s ridiculous, and it made me feel the worst I’ve ever felt in my life, but the money helped my partner and I with some bills. He was never the wiser and wasn’t stressed out about the bills. It still made me feel the worst ever and since then I haven’t because I don’t want to be that person and I don’t want to hurt him.
– Because I had to make money so I had to work the corner.
20. I Was Selfish
While some people would argue that any woman who cheats is selfish, I grouped the following responses together as being selfish because they gave no other reason for cheating. There may be other causes of cheating, but they didn’t give them in their answers. One thing is clear, most of these women who had affairs never should have agreed to a relationship to begin with.
– I tend to do what I want and figure if I won’t get caught, why not?
– I like to have sexual experiences with different people.
– Bc I like variety.
– Because it was fun to kiss other, random people.
– Because the sex was better with the other guy.
– I was already on my knees and he whipped out his cock and made me suck and I didn’t resist because I’m a slut.
– After so many years with the only partner I’ve ever been with, I wanted to experience something new and fresh and exciting.
– I don’t know. Honestly! The person was a surprise to me. I’m a person who is a germaphobe. I scorn when it comes to my sense of smell and touch. Therefore I am not willing to be with anyone else but my partner. But there was this one man I just allowed him. His voice, the way he looked at me, the way he treated me, the way he would touch me (non sexually), the way he appeals to my taste buds (through food), the conversations we would have again (non-sexual).
– Because I felt like being spontaneous – zero feelings were involved.
– Started sleeping with someone when we were in an open long-distance relationship and would occasionally do it again even after we switched to a more exclusive monogamish relationship.
– I cheated on my partner because I expected way too much from him when we were seeing each other. I forgot he isn’t Prince Charming; he is human and still makes mistakes. I expected too much because my ex was toxic and was my first love. I was easily manipulated by him and he hurt me over and over. When I finally ended it and moved on, that’s what happened with my partner a month later and I regret it for the rest of my life.
– There is no real reason for cheating but for me at home I am the dominating partner taking care of home duties. Being with someone else allows me to be the other more sexual side of myself that gets lost in everyday relationships.
– I really don’t know other than he wasn’t taking care of everything as he should have but I should have just stayed single because I just love cock.
– Because I still wanted to explore.
– Because I wanted to. With 4 different men. I am a narcissist and have no morals.
– I think it’s in my nature, I was unsatisfied in the relationship.
– This bad boy type known for his huge penis talked me into meeting him and I knew he would fuck me and I wanted to experience sex with a partner that had a 9”+ cock.
Can’t get enough of unbelievable stories? Check out these true-life sex stories from our readers!
21. We Had Bad Communication
It might sound like a cliche, but communication is essential to any good relationship and a satisfying sex life. Some of the cheating wives below could have avoided infidelity if they had talked to their partners about sex and everything else.
– It honestly was a communication issue. We both had different meanings of a “break”.
– I hadn’t yet learned to communicate what I really wanted from my partner.
– There was a phase in our lives where we drifted apart. I found out that another girl was very interested in him, and she did everything to get him hooked. It didn‘t work, though, because he always loved me. However, it was a hard time for me. I had personal issues of not being enough and not being attractive. There was a misunderstanding. I thought they had kissed, but it never happened and before I knew the truth, someone who was very interested in me, convinced me to have sex with him whilst being drunk. The worst mistake of my life.
– I was unaware that he thought we were exclusive.
– It was in a swing relationship. We didn’t communicate clearly with each other. He was swinging with single females. I felt left out so I had sex with a swinging single male.
22. We Were Long Distance/Not Together Often Enough
You’ve probably guessed that cheating can be a big issue in a long-distance relationship. Many of our readers claimed that it gave them the opportunity to cheat, even if it isn’t their main reason for cheating.
– I went away to college far away and got wrapped up in it. Long-distance isn’t the best.
– He stays away distant. Sometimes, you get lonely.
– He left me to work a job in California I didn’t agree to. I was alone for almost 2 years. It was very painful and lonely.
– We were in a long-distance relationship.
– I was out of the country and met someone. One thing led to another, and it happened. I felt bad about it afterward.
– Because my partner was not around.
– He’d been traveling a lot and the older man had been a fantasy. Plus, I was drunk and horny.
– I was upset because my partner was away working and I let my imagination work overtime assuming he was cheating on me because I couldn’t get a hold of him on the phone.
– I was curious about her and she was curious about me. My partner at the time was living in a different city, and the other person was here and we had very strong chemistry.
– He was in jail.
– Was left alone 90% of the time, and when he was there he wasn’t a pleasant person.
– Because I wanted to experience something else instead of the same old thing plus he was in jail at the time
– Don’t know and then went to prison for 7 yrs.
– My boyfriend went to jail for eight months and I started hanging out with a mutual friend. One thing led to another, so I broke up with my boyfriend because I had been with someone else and that wasn’t fair to him.
– Because he was in jail.
– He lived far away and the other guy paid me a lot of attention.
23. Other Reasons Why Married Women Cheat
The other reasons why women cheat are harder to put into a single category, so we’ve saved them all for the end. Although it’s hard to believe, some women who cheat have absolutely no intention of doing so! Sometimes there’s no specific cause of cheating, it just happens.
– Peer pressure.
– I got back together with him to make family and friends happy. I was not happy, so I cheated.
– I didn’t do it on purpose.
– I don’t know, honestly. Maybe I was searching for something. I regret it though.
– An opportunity presented itself.
– Because I knew he wasn’t “the one,” so I was willing to risk losing him for the “good time”.
– Was feeling low after the death of someone close to me.
– Long story short: I was drunk but that’s not the excuse; I was not ready to be in a relationship and it was the first relationship for me so I wasn’t used to only having sex with one person but now I learned from my mistake and Ima never let smth like that happen ever again!
– I was extremely high to the point that I didn’t know what was happening till it was done. Maybe that’s more assault and less infidelity.
– I don’t know. I’ve only ever been tempted 3 times in the 15 years I have been with my man. This is the first time I’ve actually done anything and that was just a few kisses and gave the guy head.
– I just think monogamy is quite a difficult goal to maintain “forever”. Easy if nothing tempts you, not easy if someone does. I’m very picky so it’s never been a common problem but when someone does really, really, really excite me both intellectually and sexually, it’s very difficult for me not to feed that fire. It has nothing to do with the love I have for my husband. But it’s obviously a problem if one has made a vow and has trouble honoring it.
– Hmmmm….we were having problems, alcohol was involved, therefore I had a lack of good judgment that led to infidelity.
– I wanted a baby.
– Homosexual urges.
Related: Lesbian Sex Positions
So women cheat for only 1 reason?
Having read these women’s stories, you may notice that they don’t always fit neatly into just one category. Instead, there’s often a primary reason why a woman cheated, followed by secondary reasons. We’ve categorized these responses above based on their primary issues.
Additional notes/research on why women cheat
Unfortunately, having a female partner cheat is fairly common, with it happening within an estimated 20 percent of married women compared to more than 25 percent of married men . A different study gave a higher estimation of 40 percent of married women cheating compared to 50 percent of married men . And these numbers are just for married couples. Part of the reason for the difference in estimates could be that people have reported lower levels of cheating in studies done in person. This could indicate that people don’t want to admit these behaviors in a face-to-face interview .
What Is Considered Cheating?
Before going into a discussion on cheating, it’s important to identify exactly what cheating is. Yet that could be a problem. The thing is, not everyone agrees on what constitutes cheating. Ideas can vary from person to person and within different cultures .
Some men might think their female partner has cheated on them if she has kissed someone, flirted, had sexual thoughts about another man, or in our age of technology, texted, called or sent naughty pictures to someone. At the same time, not everyone will agree that these actions constitute cheating. Some people would only think of a physical affair as cheating, while others view an emotional affair as a betrayal as well.
Many would only consider behavior cheating if it went into physical sexual contact – going “through the bases.” At the very least, most people would agree that intercourse – going “all the way” – is considered cheating.
Also, there are considerations of how many times the cheating has happened. If it was a one-time thing, many people consider it a mistake, whereas an ongoing affair is truly thought of as cheating. Other people would consider just one time enough.
Ultimately, it’s smart for the partners within a relationship to decide on their definitions of cheating within the relationship. That way, there is less of a risk for misunderstanding and both parties are on the same page .
Do men and women feel differently about physical versus emotional cheating? One study supported the commonly thought idea that women care more about emotional affairs than physical ones. The idea is that women become worried about how stable the relationship is and whether resources will be taken away when the man is cheating emotionally, which could indicate love and the consideration of him leaving the relationship, than when a man is cheating physically, which may not make him leave the relationship. Research has found a smaller majority of men who are more concerned about physical than emotional cheating in their female partners..
Further Research On Why Women Cheat
One study that looked at factors in cheating found that the main reasons included the basic idea of low levels of happiness in a relationship, as well as not having enough compatibility on “sexual attitudes and values.” The study found that women were more influenced by relationship factors than by demographics. Nonetheless, they were also affected by their sexual personality characteristics .
While trying to figure out why women cheat, you should also bear in mind that people with more attachment anxiety have been associated with a higher risk of cheating . Attachment anxiety is an insecure attachment style that goes with the idea that the other person is not as available to them. They are then likely to behave by this idea.
Also, research has supported the idea that women within certain populations are more likely to cheat than others. Two groups with a higher likelihood of cheating are upper-class and unhappy women .
Women of different ages are capable of cheating, while it generally happens within childbearing age groups. One study focused on cheating within adolescents and found that different ages within this group can have different ideas on what cheating means, with older adolescents focusing more on genital contact than younger groups. The study found that female adolescents included non-physical affairs as cheating whereas males were more likely to focus on sexual behavior with genital contact .
College-aged students had higher than normal levels of cheating in one study. This study focused on Northern California, finding that over 60 percent of the students had experienced a sexual form of cheating. It discovered that females and males were both just as likely to cheat sexually, whereas males were more likely to view cheating favorably than females .
In the college student population, a study found that personal factors were the main factor for cheating rather than situational factors. These personal factors include aspects like maximizing, selfish behavior and avoidant attachment, which is another type of insecure attachment style .
Having a college degree didn’t have an effect on cheating for women in one study, while it found women cheated on their husbands slightly less when those men had a degree. Also, being religious somewhat lowered the chance .
A review of different surveys and data found that relationships, where the partners live together without being married, do not have stable arrangements, which can affect their lives in many negatives ways, including concerning cheating. The review found that cohabiting relationships had a higher likelihood to include infidelity compared to married ones .
There tends to be a lack of information about cheating and why women cheat in homosexual relationships, so it is unclear whether cheating might be higher, the same, or lower in lesbian relationships compared to heterosexual ones .
A study of married American women found to have a higher probability of cheating in:
- Black women
- Women who lived with their husbands before marriage
- Women with a childhood that included sexual abuse
- Women with higher amounts of lifetime sexual partners
- Remarried women
The probability went down in religious women, with increasing age and with higher education levels. This study did note that there has been some inconsistency among studies when it comes to demographics and likelihood of cheating .
Another factor that can encourage cheating is when someone is economically dependent on her spouse. This is the same for men relying on their spouses for financial purposes. According to a study, feeling dependent and not basically equal in the partnership increases the likelihood of cheating. Related, women contributing significantly to the family income reduced the likelihood of them cheating. They are actually least likely to cheat when they are the primary breadwinner, yet that increases the male partner’s likelihood of cheating .
Is It Possible to Prevent a Female Partner From Cheating?
Is it hopeless? Do people with female partners need to accept that she will cheat on them at some point? The answer is no. Not everyone ends up cheating. While it might seem like some people are just prone to cheating while others aren’t, in reality, there are certain things that can be done to reduce the likelihood of having a female partner cheat.
Not everyone who cheats once will cheat again, either.
We saw above that dissatisfaction with a relationship is one factor that can lead to cheating. Therefore, working to create a close and meaningful relationship could reduce the urge to look elsewhere to fulfill needs and find happiness. Behaviors that could make a difference include paying closer attention to what she says, taking time to do activities she enjoys and asking her about her needs in a relationship.
Those who are in a communicative relationship could talk to their female partners about “perceptual downgrading.” This technique helps women – as well as men – shift their perspective to see a person other than their partner as less attractive . This tends to happen subconsciously when the person is in a relationship, yet it might be possible to consciously achieve this effect as well.
How to Get Past Cheating
If a female partner cheats, it can be extremely difficult or impossible to move forward in the relationship. It will depend on each relationship and the personal views within it as to whether the partners can and want to make it work after cheating. When it is desired, there are some ways to get past the infidelity and progress in the relationship.
Do you want it to work? – The couple needs to truly want to make the relationship work and needs to put effort into healing and strengthening the relationship in different ways. Participating in couples counseling, as well as individual counseling, with a licensed professional counselor can help couples start working on their relationships . Some research suggests that males will be more likely to fix and heal the relationship if the woman has cheated sexually, while homosexual couples are equally as likely to move forward with physical or emotional cheating. The latter showed higher levels of healing the relationship after sexual indiscretions than heterosexual couples .
In some cases, you’re better off ending the relationship.
Women who cheat can have different reasons for doing so, but it often comes down to unhappiness with the relationship, certain demographics and looking to men who seem like strong candidates for procreating. When females cheat, their partners have a few options for handling the situation.
They can decide to end the relationship or continue the relationship on a trial basis to see if it will work out. Otherwise, they can decide to practice forgiveness and to continue with the commitment. Research has found that forgiveness is more likely to happen when the cheating person apologizes, especially when it is a meaningful apology with remorse and a desire to heal the relationship .
FAQs on Women Cheating
FAQ #1: Does a woman’s biology affect whether she cheats or not?
It is thought that much of why women cheat is related to procreation on an instinctual and biological level. In other words, she may not realize that this is why she is cheating, but her body may be encouraging her to stray with the goal of conception.
When women are at the point in their menstrual cycle when they are the most fertile for conceiving a baby, they are actually more likely to cheat. In a common-sense way, this makes sense since women’s bodies are telling them to try to get pregnant.
A study from UCLA and the University of New Mexico backed this idea up with research. It found that ovulation increased certain feelings in women that could encourage cheating; these included feeling “more desirable, attractive and powerful in their relationships.” A key finding was that women in certain types of relationships were more prone to cheating. When women found their male partner suited to a long-term relationship yet lacking in attractiveness, they had an increased likelihood of looking to men they found more attractive during ovulation compared to the women who found their partner attractive..
A second study by the same UCLA and University of New Mexico researchers supported the first, showing that the female participants had a higher likelihood to fantasize about other men during their fertile time of the month when they weren’t especially attracted to their partner . Further research has additionally backed up the link between looking at other men more during ovulation when the female’s relationship is more about security and similar functions than about attractiveness .
As another aspect, a woman may decide to cheat with a man who she deems would have the ability to procreate physically and who would be able to support the family on a socioeconomic level – the other man is seen as having better genes. Because of this, the likelihood of a woman having had an affair peaks at the age of 45 since that is around when women start to end their childbearing years .
FAQ #2: Does a Woman’s Attractiveness Have Anything to Do With Cheating?
A woman’s attractiveness can affect her likelihood to cheat if she feels confident in herself. A Rutgers University study found that women who were more satisfied with their own bodies was one reason why she would cheat, especially when they were unsatisfied with their partner and/or their relationship. The researchers noted that it seemed these women did not choose to cheat to improve their self-worth but rather to find someone who made them happier .
Now that you know some common causes of cheating…
Are you surprised after reading what women who have had affairs say is the cause of their cheating? Perhaps you were quick to judge a cheating wife before reading these responses. Maybe your worst fears about why women cheat have been confirmed.
And if you want to know why men cheat, we wrote a post about that, too!
Let us know in the comments what you think about women who cheat. Or if you know or have been a cheating woman, tell us why you did it! We’d love to know.
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